Horsemanship-The Horse Whisperer

In preparation of riding school, I have been reading and researching on horsemanship. It has been an enlightening process. It has shed new lights for me to understand humanity as well.

Gentle horsemanship involves communicating in the language of horses and using their logic, rather than expecting them to use ours. It teaches us not to blame the horses as they look for the easy way out. We should show them there is a place to go and take them through. The horse and human need to learn how to liberate themselves so that they can explore the harmony between them.

Being social creatures, both horse and human need close contact with others; they need love, support, understanding, recognition and stimulation to become whole and balanced. When you are learning how to get with your horse, you are learning about what there is to see. You are trying to get with that horse's mental system. This is done through feel, because this is what fits a horse.

I watched a 1998 movie "the Horse Whisperer" tonight which illuminates the art and wisdom of horsemanship for me. This movie also explores the subtle relationship between man and animal, mother and child, husband and wife, and man and woman. It has demonstrated many times without diaologues, the power of touch.

This movie is adapted from Nick Evans' novel. A young girl and her horse was left with serious physical and emotional scars after a devastating accident. Her mother took them both to travel to the wild west to seek out a "horse whisperer". A horse whisperer is a horse trainer who adopts a sympathetic view of the motives, needs, and desires of the horse, based on natural horsemanship and modern equine psychology. The story then unfolds the many facets of relationship and the healing process on the ranch.

I love the superb cast: Robert Redford is the horse whisperer and also the director of the film; the young girl was played by then teenage Scarlett Johansson; the mother is Kristin Scott Thomas, whom I consider one of the most captivatiing actresses of our time.

The breathtaking cinematography takes you on a outward journey of the beautiful scenary of Montana. At the same time, its powerful story-telling takes you to an inward journey of self-discovery and healing. You experience emotions like fear, pain, despair, confusion along with the characters. You also cheer with them as they find courage to make choices, and finally finding freedom. It is a poignant film, full of strength and grace.

And now how I want to touch a horse!

Summer's a-comin...

To everything there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

***
Summer's a-comin'...

It is the end of teaching season, concert season, choir season, school season. It is also the beginning of an adventure into new territories.

Most of my students will be travelling. Most of my friends are taking a break from school or work, except one who is back to full-time summer graduate school.

As for me, I won't travel this summer. I plan to go back to school full-time as well; only it is my own private boarding school.

Here is the curriculum of the school:

A. Physical Education

I am so tired of being passive and lethargic. Get off the couch, potato!

1. Conditioning for Dance class
I am going to take a stretch, strengthen and body alignment course for the non-dancer and dancer. It combines techniques from dance, body therapy (e.g. yoga, pilates, and exercise) to improve flexibility, strength, balance, posture, circulation, and relaxation.

2. Swimming
I better take advantage of the community pool. Swimming is also good time for meditation.

3. Hiking.
I have done enough research on the hiking trails in Orange County; Now it is time to face my mountain lion.

4. Biking
First, I need to buy a bike...

5. Beginning Horsemanship

I was born in the year of horse. I love horses. I still think about the two-day horse-back riding and camping trip in Jiuzhaigou, China back in college years. I would love to re-live those memories once again.

I signed up for beginning horsemanship phase one in a Riding School. It includes 3 lessons on ground work (haltering/leading, grooming, tacking up of horse) and 1 lesson on the basics of mounting, dismounting and steering of the horse.

The ranch is only ten minutes away from my home. The owner/instructor has been running that place for thirty-eight years. I am surprised that I live close by for sixteen years and do not even know that it exists, until my student told me about it.

I am so excited for this opportunities and will follow up in my blog later.

B. Academics

1. Art theory
I am taking an art theory class in a community college this summer. I looked up my teacher in ratemyprofessor.com and she got very good review.

2. Piano
I will have to study more in piano performance and literature. I am sending my students to a piano competition in LA this summer. I myself have to prepare for this event as well.

3. Violin
I am still with my teacher, who is so patient and kind and encouraging. There are so much new repertoire to explore.

4. Japanese Language
I found a private tutor who will practice Japanese conversation with me and guide me in reading some Japanese literature. I need to keep it up after two years of language study so it won't go down the drain just in one summer.

5. Reading
There are no end to the books, for knowledge, for inspiration, or for pleasure, that I want to read...

It seems to be a good curriculum. If only I would preservere till Autumn returns...

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

"Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" has always been one of the children's books which I can really relate to. This Judith Viorst's 1972 classic still speaks to children and adults today.

Alexander has one of those dreadful days. He woke up and his hair was a mess. Everything went wrong. School was awkful: His mom forget to pack his dessert; His teacher did not like his drawing of an invisible castle; His best friend called him a third best friend. At home, he had to eat lima beans for supper; and when he went to bed, his cat decided to sleep with his brother instead...

He pondered maybe he should move to Australia...

***

Dear Alexander,

Today I have one of your kind of day.

I planned to enjoy my Monday without school by web surfing and listening to music online. I also tried to clean up my living space as well as the clutters on my computer.

I accidentally deleted some important files and it ceased to function properly. You know how I could not live without my machine. I labored six hours to try to fix it in vain.

Everything in the house went wrong as well. In the evening, I tried to cook myself some soup for dinner. I forgot I left it boiling because my mind was fixated on the computer. The house was almost set on fire. The pot was burnt and there was not a drop of soup to eat.

So at the end of the day, I was alone, exhausted and hungry. The computer was down, the house was a mess. Nothing went as planned: no music, no art, no book, no dinner...

Dear Alexander, indeed we should move to Australia...

Violin and the Chinese Garden

I am going to play a piece in my teacher's violin recital tomorrow. My teacher is excited for my debut of vibrato technique. In preparation of this event, I have been practicing diligently every morning.

I auditioned for my music director friend three days ago. Suddenly nerve came over me. I experienced the movie The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. My brain was detached from my hands. I completely lost control of my bow arm grip and my left hand position shifts.

The audition was a fiasco. The poor man endured three minutes of torture. He didn't understand why and neither did I. Perhaps for a moment I projected all the images of stern teachers and critical audiences on him. Perhaps I was telling myself to fail so I could prove myself right. I just knew my psyche was as messed up as the musical notes.

That evening I practiced no more.

***

Violin is the most difficult instrument I have ever studied. Its technical demand is extremely precise and complicated. To study it as an adult beginner is an especially daunting endeavor. It is frustrating and almost painful to have the mind of an adult musician, but the technical capacity of a beginner.

Then why do I still pursue it?

Have you read Thomas Mann's "Death in Venice"?


***
The study of a string instrument has given me a new perspective on music. it has taught me a lot about tone production and Bel Canto expression. It has also given me new insights to the learning process and the art of practicing. Most importantly, I have discovered more about myself. Becoming a student all over again has helped me find new understanding and more "compassion" to my own students.

Kaitlyn is a gifted seven-year old piano student. During one lesson, after a musical performance, I mentioned that she should go to a competition this summer.

She started crying incessantly. She thought it was a punishment. She said that people would look at her with "evil eyes".

I hugged her and comforted her.

"It is ok not to go. It is perfectly ok..."

Believe me Kaitlyn, I know what you fear. I wanted to cry too.

***

I ran through the music again for my two friends tonight. Nothing was great. But I was back in my elements.

We had our art talk afterwards. My architect friend told me that he was very influenced by I. M. Pei's philosophy on architecture. Pei drew inspiration from the Chinese Gardens of Suzhou at an early age. The Chinese garden architects meticulously designed the garden. But even when after the garden is constructed, they still won't consider it a final product. They will leave it to nature. They believe that only nature will complete the perfection of the garden.

***
I am going to play for my violin recital tomorrow. I will just try my best for the moment, drawing from all the preparation I have invested. The final product will be far from perfection. It is ok. Let time, and nature run its course.

P.S.
This is a very moving and beautiful performance of the Gluck melody which I attempt. This young lady suffered from hand injury and had to quit playing the violin for many years. This is her comeback performance at an invitational concert. She has truely become my muse.

Joshua Bell

I heard Joshua Bell in Orange County Performance Art Center last night.
I often listen to his music, first thing in the morning, with my coffee, butter and toast.
He played the beloved Mendelssohn's violin concerto with his own cadenza, and an encore of a Yankee Doodle "fantasy"
What a socerer with a magic wand! Who isn't mesmerized by his technique, musicality and passion? Who can resist following him into his enchanting sound world?

******
A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.

The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

(article contributed by Bill B., Dec. 17, 2008)

You can hear this performance on youtube. Just search Joshua Bell and metro.

mi-meh-mah-moh-moooo

I always love singing. I think it is the foundation of musical expression. Often I try to create the illusion of Bel Canto (Italian for beautiful singing) on the piano. I love Chopin's music because it is poetry on the piano with the expressiveness of opera. I adore the violin because it imitates the human voice.

With the excitement of a child, but the self-consciousness of an adult, I started my first voice lesson.

At first I was moving around restlessly. I was making my teacher dizzy. If he could hand-cuff me and put a chain on my feet, he would. Anyway, he ordered me to rest my hands on the piano.

mi-meh-mah-moh-moooo...

It is awkward to hear your own voice when you are fully aware of it.

My teacher explained to me that it is normal for people to feel uncomfortable hearing their own voice, because we simply don't perceive our voice the way other people do. He assured me that it was ok and told me to stop over-analyzing and stop the self-criticism.

e-e-e-e-e, e-e-e-e-e, e-e-e-e-e...

I guess it is not as bad as I thought.

mi-moh-mi, mi-moh-mi, mi-moh-mi...

My teacher asked me to imagine a singer I love. and not to worry about singing the right pitch.

He said it is Audiation. Audiation is the process of mentally hearing and comprehending music, even when no physical sound is present. It is a cognitive process by which the brain gives meaning to musical sounds. In essence, audiation of music is analogous to thinking in a language.

sol-fa-mi-re-doh...

I am thinking of Barbara Bonnie...

Then it is time for breathing exercises. He taught me how to breath through the mouth as if I am fogging the mirror, but with no noise from the larynx.

inhale-exhale...inhale-exhale..inhale-exhale...

It is sort of like a yoga breathing meditation. There is complete silence...except for my growling stomach.

Finally, I am loosen up.

Now he let me sing my favorite song. I jumped on it and sang my heart out.

***

I left feeling hopeful, giving him a wink.

He is a genius, better than a shrink.

A teacher's look

5pm May 1
In my own students' "piano graduation ceremony" hosted by the music teachers in this area, every student was introduced by their own writing. They had to answer a couple questions, including:
1. What are you interested in studying after graduation?
2. What was the biggest influence in your music study?

One student answered:
1. Not studying
2. My teacher's wrath

***
I always think I am a pretty good student. I always do my homework and seldom ditch classes. Recently however, especially after my trip, it is hard to find motivation to do anything, let alone writing a final project in Japanese.

7:40pm May 10
I showed up in class tonight without my project. I even walked in ten minutes late because I went to eat Pho.

My teacher said to me, "C san, everyone already draw a number for the presentation. Now you will be last."

"I did not do it..." I told her.

Then it was this look on her face, somewhat between puzzled and disbelief, hard to describe.

Oh, I forgot how polite Japanese are. so I hurried and added, "Gomenasai" (I am sorry).

"You did not do it?" she asked, with a slow, subdued voice.

I wish I could come up with an excuse. But looking at the expression on her face, I suddenly found myself speechless.

"No. gomenasai!"

"Do you know it is 10 percent of your grade?"

"hai, I do."

"So you are taking this class credit or no credit?"

"Hmm...no...but...I don't have time...I don't care for my grade..." I mumbled.

"You did not do it?" she asked a second time.

I shaked my head.

Then there was silence. She did not say anything more, nor asked me why, nor asked me to make it up.

Just that look on her face.

***
All my Japanese teachers are excellent teachers. They have utmost respect for their profession-sensei. They are extremely hard working and responsible. I have been studying with Matsuda sensei for a year now. There are not a lecture that was not well-prepared and not a homework assignment that was not corrected and returned.

This is the final week. I stayed in class tonight listening to everyone's presentation....

10:30pm, May 10
I returned home. Without eating my usual late night snack, without changing into pajamas, I turned on my computer and started typing.


2am, May 11
My room looked like it was just hit by a tornado of paper, notes and books.

I just sent my teacher an email.

"Matsuda sensei,
Gomenasai, I have done a simple report on ths topic. I have attached a draft for your reference. I am wondering whether I can still do my presentation this Wednesday?..."

I discovered something new about myself this morning:
1. Laziness is my human nature.
2. Sometimes a teacher's look is the biggest motivator.

An Education

I watched "An Education" on DVD tonight. First time I watched it on the airplane. I was already captivated by the film. During this second time, I got to savor every word of the script. The special features of the DVD are very helpful in understanding and appreciating the crafts of this film.

The movie is about a bright young school girl in the 60's London who encountered an older man, introducing her to the glamorous world of adulthood. It was her memoir of a coming-of-age journey.

This film directed by Lone Sherifig is so far the best film I have watched this year. To me it is British movie at its best. I love the accents and the Bristish dry humor. The script is written by Nick Hornby who also wrote "about a boy"(another very good movie). His writing is charming and witty.

There are sensitivity and attention to details in every aspect of the film. For example, the beautiful cinematography of the Paris montage are without words but it visually captures the emotions of the entire adventure. Also, I love the film score at the opening scene. They use light-hearted 60's swings, which really sets the nostalgic mood for that era.

The entire acting ensemble is brilliant. I adore the lead actress Carey Mulligan, who is such a natural talent. I have no doubt that she is going to have an amazing acting career. You can literally watch her mature on screen as she goes through her "education".

This is movie magic. It takes you on an emotional journey. I too, came to an awakening along with her:
"I feel older, but not wiser"

What education can bring us out of our fragility and innocence?

elopement 私奔

A postcard came in the mail. My friends have eloped and are living in marital bliss, drinking on love alone somewhere.

I looked up the dictionary: To elope, most literally, merely means to run away, and to not come back to the point of origination. More specifically, elopement is often used to refer to a marriage conducted in sudden and secretive fashion, usually involving hurried flight away from one's place of residence together with one's beloved with the intention of getting married.

***
Since I came back from my adventure in a tale of three cities, life is back to normal. I have found no motivation in anything. There are no inspiration in writing.

I still admire the food pictures I took on the trip, while eating my instant noodles.

Reality is not glamorous. It is doing the same thing day in and day out. It is routine. I pick up the violin that I have not touched for over two weeks. He sure complains that he has been neglected.

Students start to return one by one. There are a thousand musical notes waiting to be mastered; A pile of books waiting to be read; weekly choir rehearsals to attend. I also feel the fatigue of the twice a week five-hour Japanese classes.

***
In the book "Deep Well from the Water" by Gerald Sittser, there is a chapter called "rhythm: the spirituality of monasticism". He wrote,

"One of the greatest temptations we face once we settle into a routine of prayer and work is, as Evagrius pointed out to monks sixteen hundred years ago, acedia,a greek word that does not translate easily... Acedia is better defined as boredom, restlessness, inattentiveness...Known as the "noonday demon" in monasteries, acedia tempts us to quit at midcourse, just when we have followed a routine of prayer and work long enough to be weary of the sameness and tediousness."

"Routine is necessary. Mastery comes from persisting in some endeavor when everything in us wants to quit."

So let the battle with acedia begin...

Although for a moment sometimes, I still lose my thoughts in elopement.