One Step at a Time

In my conditioning for dance class, our instructor is teaching us how to assess our gaits. Gait is the pattern of movement of our limbs. I found out there are so many potential problems related to my own gait. I have never been conscious of my own walking all my life. No wonder I am clumsy! For example, I lean more on my right side; I lock my knees; there is tension in my mid-back, etc.

Coincidentally, my horseback riding instructor has told me that my "seat" needed to be balanced. Otherwise, my horse will not be able to walk straight. The horses are such intelligent and sensitive animals that they can even sense our involuntary muscle. They will be the extension of our postures and movements.
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These lessons remind me of the concepts in Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now".
Tolle pointed us to the truth of "all we have is now" and it is enlightening to be aware of the present moment.

So in order to develope healthy spine and gestures, I am learning to take "one step at a time" literally, now!

***

I also experience this profound concept of engaging in the present moment as a musician. Music is the art of sound manifested through time. So whether I am practicing, performing or teaching, it is crucial for me to be present and be conscious of the moment.

Once a performance is over, we have left with the memory of it as an impression. Our art may seem elusive, but our ability to be a better musician rewards us at each present moment. We gain more awareness and insights, and a richer experience to draw upon, at each new opportunity.

During one interivew, the actress Jane Fonda was asked what was the most fulfiling moment in her acting career. She answered that it was when there was a especially demanding scene. All the spotlight was on her. Everyone was wondering whether she had the chops to pull it off...

And she nailed it. That was the moment for her.

Perhaps the true essence of great artists are not only what they have done, but also their consciousness of great work to be created, at the moment of now.

Ten things I learned with Samsam

My friend May and her son Samsam visited me from Texas this week. Samsam is a sweet two-year old toddler. These are the lessons I learned from his routine and what his mother taught him:
1. Smile and greet people
2. Take naps
3. Eat snacks
4. Say thank you
5. Say sorry
6. Time to play
7. "No, not now"
8. If you do something really bad, "Police will put you in jail"
9. There is never too much of a good thing you love, like "Thomas the Train"
10. Hold hands

A teacher's look

5pm May 1
In my own students' "piano graduation ceremony" hosted by the music teachers in this area, every student was introduced by their own writing. They had to answer a couple questions, including:
1. What are you interested in studying after graduation?
2. What was the biggest influence in your music study?

One student answered:
1. Not studying
2. My teacher's wrath

***
I always think I am a pretty good student. I always do my homework and seldom ditch classes. Recently however, especially after my trip, it is hard to find motivation to do anything, let alone writing a final project in Japanese.

7:40pm May 10
I showed up in class tonight without my project. I even walked in ten minutes late because I went to eat Pho.

My teacher said to me, "C san, everyone already draw a number for the presentation. Now you will be last."

"I did not do it..." I told her.

Then it was this look on her face, somewhat between puzzled and disbelief, hard to describe.

Oh, I forgot how polite Japanese are. so I hurried and added, "Gomenasai" (I am sorry).

"You did not do it?" she asked, with a slow, subdued voice.

I wish I could come up with an excuse. But looking at the expression on her face, I suddenly found myself speechless.

"No. gomenasai!"

"Do you know it is 10 percent of your grade?"

"hai, I do."

"So you are taking this class credit or no credit?"

"Hmm...no...but...I don't have time...I don't care for my grade..." I mumbled.

"You did not do it?" she asked a second time.

I shaked my head.

Then there was silence. She did not say anything more, nor asked me why, nor asked me to make it up.

Just that look on her face.

***
All my Japanese teachers are excellent teachers. They have utmost respect for their profession-sensei. They are extremely hard working and responsible. I have been studying with Matsuda sensei for a year now. There are not a lecture that was not well-prepared and not a homework assignment that was not corrected and returned.

This is the final week. I stayed in class tonight listening to everyone's presentation....

10:30pm, May 10
I returned home. Without eating my usual late night snack, without changing into pajamas, I turned on my computer and started typing.


2am, May 11
My room looked like it was just hit by a tornado of paper, notes and books.

I just sent my teacher an email.

"Matsuda sensei,
Gomenasai, I have done a simple report on ths topic. I have attached a draft for your reference. I am wondering whether I can still do my presentation this Wednesday?..."

I discovered something new about myself this morning:
1. Laziness is my human nature.
2. Sometimes a teacher's look is the biggest motivator.

elopement 私奔

A postcard came in the mail. My friends have eloped and are living in marital bliss, drinking on love alone somewhere.

I looked up the dictionary: To elope, most literally, merely means to run away, and to not come back to the point of origination. More specifically, elopement is often used to refer to a marriage conducted in sudden and secretive fashion, usually involving hurried flight away from one's place of residence together with one's beloved with the intention of getting married.

***
Since I came back from my adventure in a tale of three cities, life is back to normal. I have found no motivation in anything. There are no inspiration in writing.

I still admire the food pictures I took on the trip, while eating my instant noodles.

Reality is not glamorous. It is doing the same thing day in and day out. It is routine. I pick up the violin that I have not touched for over two weeks. He sure complains that he has been neglected.

Students start to return one by one. There are a thousand musical notes waiting to be mastered; A pile of books waiting to be read; weekly choir rehearsals to attend. I also feel the fatigue of the twice a week five-hour Japanese classes.

***
In the book "Deep Well from the Water" by Gerald Sittser, there is a chapter called "rhythm: the spirituality of monasticism". He wrote,

"One of the greatest temptations we face once we settle into a routine of prayer and work is, as Evagrius pointed out to monks sixteen hundred years ago, acedia,a greek word that does not translate easily... Acedia is better defined as boredom, restlessness, inattentiveness...Known as the "noonday demon" in monasteries, acedia tempts us to quit at midcourse, just when we have followed a routine of prayer and work long enough to be weary of the sameness and tediousness."

"Routine is necessary. Mastery comes from persisting in some endeavor when everything in us wants to quit."

So let the battle with acedia begin...

Although for a moment sometimes, I still lose my thoughts in elopement.

missing footprints

My friends G always walks her dog along the lake. She always run into M who also walks her dog there. It is good time chatting and exercising together.
It has been a couple months that G hasn't seen M. It must have been the winter cold weather and shorter day light.
Recently G got a mountain bike. She left M a phone message to invite her to bike together.
Her housemate called back. M has been hit by a car while biking to work. She passed away.
It is news that is heavy enough to sink a heart.
***
Some people's exsistence may seem insignificant. We may take their company for granted. After their passing, there is not grief striken memory, but bitter sweet reminder of a kind and delightful human being, who have graced our world with their footprints.

Old friends and true friends

I am supposed to write my own blog. But I came across this reflection on friendship from Cythnia Bougeault that is so wise and true that I cannot write any of my own:

"Old friends” and “true friends” are not necessarily identical. Old friends have stood the test of time; true friends are timeless. True friends may have been in your life since your childhood or they may have shown up only yesterday, but it’s from the quality of the heart that you know them, not the number of years you’ve logged together.

We can’t command the heart, of course. We can’t pre-screen our friends for potential “forever” status, or impose this expectation as a unilateral requirement. But paradoxically, perhaps, the best way to help all our friendships grow wisely and well is to take responsibility for our own aloneness.

The more we can take responsibility for our own emotional well-being, the more we can live comfortably in our own skin, the more friendship can become what it is truly meant to be — whether for the whole of our life or just the miracle of the present: the spontaneous overflowing of our uniquely human capacity for intimacy, compassion, and joy.

Cynthia Bourgeault is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada

inspiration

Thanks to the inspiration of Lamina o'oz and A, I am starting my own blog. There are moments of daily lives, some profound, some not too significant. They all have a life of its own and are waiting to be re-created.