One Step at a Time

In my conditioning for dance class, our instructor is teaching us how to assess our gaits. Gait is the pattern of movement of our limbs. I found out there are so many potential problems related to my own gait. I have never been conscious of my own walking all my life. No wonder I am clumsy! For example, I lean more on my right side; I lock my knees; there is tension in my mid-back, etc.

Coincidentally, my horseback riding instructor has told me that my "seat" needed to be balanced. Otherwise, my horse will not be able to walk straight. The horses are such intelligent and sensitive animals that they can even sense our involuntary muscle. They will be the extension of our postures and movements.
.
These lessons remind me of the concepts in Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now".
Tolle pointed us to the truth of "all we have is now" and it is enlightening to be aware of the present moment.

So in order to develope healthy spine and gestures, I am learning to take "one step at a time" literally, now!

***

I also experience this profound concept of engaging in the present moment as a musician. Music is the art of sound manifested through time. So whether I am practicing, performing or teaching, it is crucial for me to be present and be conscious of the moment.

Once a performance is over, we have left with the memory of it as an impression. Our art may seem elusive, but our ability to be a better musician rewards us at each present moment. We gain more awareness and insights, and a richer experience to draw upon, at each new opportunity.

During one interivew, the actress Jane Fonda was asked what was the most fulfiling moment in her acting career. She answered that it was when there was a especially demanding scene. All the spotlight was on her. Everyone was wondering whether she had the chops to pull it off...

And she nailed it. That was the moment for her.

Perhaps the true essence of great artists are not only what they have done, but also their consciousness of great work to be created, at the moment of now.

Violin and the Chinese Garden

I am going to play a piece in my teacher's violin recital tomorrow. My teacher is excited for my debut of vibrato technique. In preparation of this event, I have been practicing diligently every morning.

I auditioned for my music director friend three days ago. Suddenly nerve came over me. I experienced the movie The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. My brain was detached from my hands. I completely lost control of my bow arm grip and my left hand position shifts.

The audition was a fiasco. The poor man endured three minutes of torture. He didn't understand why and neither did I. Perhaps for a moment I projected all the images of stern teachers and critical audiences on him. Perhaps I was telling myself to fail so I could prove myself right. I just knew my psyche was as messed up as the musical notes.

That evening I practiced no more.

***

Violin is the most difficult instrument I have ever studied. Its technical demand is extremely precise and complicated. To study it as an adult beginner is an especially daunting endeavor. It is frustrating and almost painful to have the mind of an adult musician, but the technical capacity of a beginner.

Then why do I still pursue it?

Have you read Thomas Mann's "Death in Venice"?


***
The study of a string instrument has given me a new perspective on music. it has taught me a lot about tone production and Bel Canto expression. It has also given me new insights to the learning process and the art of practicing. Most importantly, I have discovered more about myself. Becoming a student all over again has helped me find new understanding and more "compassion" to my own students.

Kaitlyn is a gifted seven-year old piano student. During one lesson, after a musical performance, I mentioned that she should go to a competition this summer.

She started crying incessantly. She thought it was a punishment. She said that people would look at her with "evil eyes".

I hugged her and comforted her.

"It is ok not to go. It is perfectly ok..."

Believe me Kaitlyn, I know what you fear. I wanted to cry too.

***

I ran through the music again for my two friends tonight. Nothing was great. But I was back in my elements.

We had our art talk afterwards. My architect friend told me that he was very influenced by I. M. Pei's philosophy on architecture. Pei drew inspiration from the Chinese Gardens of Suzhou at an early age. The Chinese garden architects meticulously designed the garden. But even when after the garden is constructed, they still won't consider it a final product. They will leave it to nature. They believe that only nature will complete the perfection of the garden.

***
I am going to play for my violin recital tomorrow. I will just try my best for the moment, drawing from all the preparation I have invested. The final product will be far from perfection. It is ok. Let time, and nature run its course.

P.S.
This is a very moving and beautiful performance of the Gluck melody which I attempt. This young lady suffered from hand injury and had to quit playing the violin for many years. This is her comeback performance at an invitational concert. She has truely become my muse.

Joshua Bell

I heard Joshua Bell in Orange County Performance Art Center last night.
I often listen to his music, first thing in the morning, with my coffee, butter and toast.
He played the beloved Mendelssohn's violin concerto with his own cadenza, and an encore of a Yankee Doodle "fantasy"
What a socerer with a magic wand! Who isn't mesmerized by his technique, musicality and passion? Who can resist following him into his enchanting sound world?

******
A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people.

The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

(article contributed by Bill B., Dec. 17, 2008)

You can hear this performance on youtube. Just search Joshua Bell and metro.

mi-meh-mah-moh-moooo

I always love singing. I think it is the foundation of musical expression. Often I try to create the illusion of Bel Canto (Italian for beautiful singing) on the piano. I love Chopin's music because it is poetry on the piano with the expressiveness of opera. I adore the violin because it imitates the human voice.

With the excitement of a child, but the self-consciousness of an adult, I started my first voice lesson.

At first I was moving around restlessly. I was making my teacher dizzy. If he could hand-cuff me and put a chain on my feet, he would. Anyway, he ordered me to rest my hands on the piano.

mi-meh-mah-moh-moooo...

It is awkward to hear your own voice when you are fully aware of it.

My teacher explained to me that it is normal for people to feel uncomfortable hearing their own voice, because we simply don't perceive our voice the way other people do. He assured me that it was ok and told me to stop over-analyzing and stop the self-criticism.

e-e-e-e-e, e-e-e-e-e, e-e-e-e-e...

I guess it is not as bad as I thought.

mi-moh-mi, mi-moh-mi, mi-moh-mi...

My teacher asked me to imagine a singer I love. and not to worry about singing the right pitch.

He said it is Audiation. Audiation is the process of mentally hearing and comprehending music, even when no physical sound is present. It is a cognitive process by which the brain gives meaning to musical sounds. In essence, audiation of music is analogous to thinking in a language.

sol-fa-mi-re-doh...

I am thinking of Barbara Bonnie...

Then it is time for breathing exercises. He taught me how to breath through the mouth as if I am fogging the mirror, but with no noise from the larynx.

inhale-exhale...inhale-exhale..inhale-exhale...

It is sort of like a yoga breathing meditation. There is complete silence...except for my growling stomach.

Finally, I am loosen up.

Now he let me sing my favorite song. I jumped on it and sang my heart out.

***

I left feeling hopeful, giving him a wink.

He is a genius, better than a shrink.

Humpty Dumpty

I started my first music position in old town Orange. Now after many years, I return to the Orange circle, but this time as a choir member.
***

I remember hearing the harmony of the intervals third and sixth for the first time as a child. I thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

In Junior high, our music teacher Mr. Lam told me to sing in the girls' chorus and to play piano for the boys' chorus. Those days you did not say no to a teacher. But I am glad I was submissive and I am grateful to him. These choral acitivities have given me some of the fondest memories in childhood.

I still can hear the music we sang in my head. I especially like the boys' "Humpty Dumpty"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

We won a first place in Hong Kong School Music Festival. What a significant event in a twelve-year old's life! How proud we were, performing in Hong Kong City Concert Hall and recording for the classical radio!

However, being the only girl in a boys' chorus is not all that fun sometimes.
Not if you open your school bag and find a huge fake spider!
***

Now that I have grown up, having spent some years studying music. I have discovered more beautiful harmony than just thirds and sixths: major, minor, diminished chords and even chords that "crash" have their own charm. There is a fascinating sound world in choral music. My appreciation of music may be more sophisticated now, but the joy of singing in a good choir remains the same: learning good music, refining choral techniques, enjoying team work, building comradeship.

Just for the simple pleasure of feeling like a child again, how can I keep from singing?

behind the glamour

I have been evaluating for the Music Teacher Association of California for their annual piano examination for many years. Students from first to twelveth grade, ranging from level one to advanced are individually evaluated for their techniques, sight reading and performance.

Today the experience was especially memorable. My assignments took place in California State University Long Beach, in a large choral room with a Steinway grand piano in the middle. The spot lights were on. The room was empty and quiet, with no audience.

A young man in his twenties came in. He was auditioning for his level two certificate as an adult student. He was nervous. His hands were shaking. It took a while for him to calm down.

Then he started to play. He played through all the required elements with the dedication of an adult and the enthusiasm of a child. He treated his music with utmost respect, performing Bach's minuet and a rag-time contemporary piece.

At the end of the session, he eagerly asked me:
"How did I do?"

Never having been asked earnestly of approval from a grown man, I assured him with a smile,
"well done!"

With a big grin on his face, he noded his head. I heard him, stepping out of the room and shouting at someone,
"I PASSED!"

Yes, you passed with flying colors.

***

A fifth grader came in for her level five examination. She wore glasses and a pony tail. Her feet could barely reach the pedal. She even came in with her own pedal extension. Her manners communicated to me that she is taking this evaluation seriously.

I listened intently when she played. She was enjoying her time with her music. Her techniques were spotless clean. Her fast movement was full of joy and vitality; Her slow movement was expressive and eloquent; Her phrasing and tone color was exquisitely beautiful. Her performance was mature beyond her age.

Her music has really moved me. It reflected the innocence and purity of the human spirit. This child has remarkable talent and she has been nurtured by a conscientious and capable teacher. She has received some very thoughtful musical training.

It was delightful to meet a gifted young student who has such devotion to her art. I recommended her for the highest honor. I wish her a wonderful journey of musical discovery.

I am also grateful for her teacher who has shaped such a fine young artist. It gives me much hope and encouragement for our profession.

For one moment, three strangers, shared a special connection through our work and music.

***
We all see the glamour of performance on stage. We don't see, behind the closed doors, there are many who are disciplined and labor routinely for their art, with no applause.

Only the creation quietly bears testimony of its creator.

up in the air

I just watched "Up in the Air" in which George Clooney's performance earned him an Oscar best actor nomination. He has found his match of onscreen chemistry in Vera Farmiga, whom I found irresistably sexy and attractive.
Clooney played Ryan Bingham who literally lives his life out of a suitcase. All year long he travels all over the world for business. His chance encounter with Alex, who is a fellow business traveler, along with his sidekick protege, help him realize that life is about the connections that one makes along the journey.
The movie also explores the human condition of loneliness and the alienation of people in the modern world. It is a deeper movie than I expected.

"Up in the Air is light and dark, hilarious and tragic, bouncy and brainy, romantic and real"---Entertainment Weekly.